I love my second born. In all honesty, there have been days....months...years...that I didn't exactly like her. It wasn't until years later I learned that it was perfectly normal and acceptable to feel this way. I use to feel so guilty, especially when my parents thought I was horrible for even thinking in such a way. I read a book, maybe a talk that taught me just because I have been blessed with raising, teaching, loving this child it will not guarantee our personalities will be compatible AND I am glad we have our differences because she has taught me some much about being patient, forgiveness, and selflessness. Over the past 10 1/2 years I have the opportunity to keep learning from her. She is so sincere. She is a sweet girl who loves me despite my lack of patience for her. She realizes what she did wrong and tries her best to "fix" the issue. She loves unconditionally.
Going back a few days, I picked Cara up from her friends house on the way to the zoo. I knew she would be tired after a sleep over with 3 other friends. Well, let me just say I do not remember the last time I spoke through my teeth and squeezed an arm so much than that day while walking through the zoo. This was definitely one of those days I did not like her very much (but I still love her!) I threatened her I would take her friends away for 2 weeks if she made me mad again. She did.
Today, after I picked them up from school Sam made her mad by touching something of hers (yea, I know this is the stuff I deal with). She punched him. I run out of punishments so I told her she was spending time in her room on this bright, hot, beautiful day.
This is the book she wrote me while in her room:
"I'm so sorry mom. I can just get really angry. I didn't mean to hurt him and I'm sorry about the zoo i went to bed at 11:00 and I was very tired if you forgive me I will do anything. (really? anything?)
I'm sorry about my behaveoir my hole life! Its just my siblings can sometimes get on my nerves. If you let me get my friends back I promise you can do something else like no DSi or Wii or T.V. forever!!!! (forever?)
Will I get my friends back? yes/no (I circled "no)
Since I punched Sam, he made me a punishment to make his bed every morning until April 30. (funny how she asked him what her punishment should be.)
I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really don't have to yell I know I'm the worst child you could ever imagine (this made me sad)
Noone would want me!!!! (even sadder)
I love every one of you so very much its just sometimes they can get on my nerves and annoy me, hurt me, be mean to me and make fun of me (totally understand WHY she punched Sam)
I'm so sososososososososos Sorry.
Friends are important to me BUT whats more important is....
Being nice to my brothers and sister.
Well, I did let her out of her room in exchange for Sams said punishment. She said she would do anything for me, I'm still thinking on that one since it needs to be really good. I reassured her she is not the worst child ever and I DO want her. She knew that ( I think she was just feeling bad for herself).
I love (and like) her more every day...month...year. We had a great time shopping at the mall a few nights ago. She is so fun to be with. I really enjoyed spending time with her. We agreed we need to go out monthly for mother/daughter dates. I am totally looking forward our date next month.
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